


Dear Diary

by Novellarisia



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Memory Loss, Mind Control, Mind Games, Mind Manipulation, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader is named, Slow Build, reader POV, reader is a monster
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-06 05:56:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17339822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Novellarisia/pseuds/Novellarisia
Summary: My Name is Gisha. I am a skeleton monster and the sister of Sans and Papyrus. I was kidnapped when I was seven years old to be an experiment to the first royal scientist Dr Rivers. When he disappeared I became isolated for years. When monsters finally broke the barrier to live on the surface, they finally remembered Dr. Rivers and found me in his lab.I was brought to live with my brothers after my rescue, to help me heal. It was long and hard, but I'm finally ready to share my experiences. This is the diary I kept when I was truly beginning to heal.Ps: updates are Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturdays if there are enough questions for a chapter.





	1. Entry 1

Dear Diary,

Today Pappy (as he insists I call him) encouraged me to make a diary. I suppose he saw me writing yesterday and maybe thought that I "enjoyed" it. He did however want me to write about him and his brother.

I guess I'll start with Sans, since he was just in here asking what I wanted for lunch, and is now in my mind. Obviously he's a skeleton, like me. Though he is actually a full head shorter than me, and is full of unbridled an unprecedented energy. Seriously how he has the energy for half the things he does, I'll never know. (It actually concerns me to think of what he would be like on a Sugar Rush…. Cringe!) Anyway he's really sweet, and always puts others first. I see it every time he interacts with someone, especially Pappy. He always checks if everything is all right with every person he talks to, and if they don't give a satisfactory answer he uses well placed questions and remarks to pry without seeming to. However he always apologizes if he oversteps. Then there is the way he interacts with his brother. At a glance it would seem as though he is constantly berating his brother, and always putting him down by calling him lazy. However I can see the same care he has for his brother as with other people in these "scoldings". Sans can tell that his brother needs an extra push to do things. Also "Lazy Bones" seems to be a term of endearment for Pappy.

The funny thing is though, I'm starting to notice a similar pattern when he talks with me. Let's use a few minutes ago as an example. He came in while I was writing and asked me what I wanted for lunch. I told him that anything was fine. I have been living with them for three months now and I noticed that Sans likes greasy food, especially tacos, and that Pappy likes sweet food and pasta dishes. I believed that Sans would take my answer as permission to make tacos, but he didn't. He straight up told me that I had to tell him what I wanted to eat for lunch. I almost told him to make tacos, at least he put cheese on it. Before I could say it however he put his hand up, making me pause, and let me know that we ran out of taco shells and that he would be shopping later.

Hitting a roadblock I truthfully answered that I didn't know. I remember the thoughtful expression he had before smirking at me. He asked me for one ingredient that I wanted in the lunch. I immediately replied "Cheese." I blinked before looking at Sans, smiling victoriously. He then just left me more puzzled when he said, "I knew you could do it!"

Do what? Throw out a random ingredients so that he can make lunch? Why? What does it matter what I want? It shouldn't. After all I'm just an experiment that went forgotten by the doctor. Why was I even brought out of the lab? I… don't understand. I don't… have things I like… or… dislike. It shouldn't matter, because I am a tool… to test things… and use. So why does Sans keep trying to get me to voice these things? It shouldn't matter. It shouldn't. Right?


	2. Entry 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!

Dear Diary,

I'm back! Sans came to bring me down to lunch after my introspection. It was interesting. He made, what he called a grilled cheese. It was delicious. The best tasting food I have had in a while. Not that what Sans usually makes isn't good just….

Anyway it's time for me to talk about Pappy. Pappy is a skeleton and the younger brother of Sans. Even though ironically he's a head taller than me. He's a very laid back guy. He likes everyone to believe that he's lazy and doesn't care, but that is far from the truth. 

Once I saw him laying out on the porch to take a nap, while some neighbor kids were playing outside. The kids ball had got away from them to roll into the road. A car was coming when one of the kids went after the ball. For some reason the kid was highlighted in Orange magic and could no longer move. When the car passed, Orange magic surrounded the ball and brought it toward it the kids. I remember casually glancing around for the source of magic, from the living room window, before spotting the Orange mist dissipating from around Pappy's eye.

He's also very cautious. I don't think he trusts easily. I wonder why? Sans doesn't seem to have that problem. I've seen how Pappy watches people, especially humans around Sans. It's as if he worries that some random person may just decide to dust him. Monsters he tends to give a little bit more leeway, yet still keeps them at arm's length. There are a few exceptions I've seen however. The first two being their friends Alphys and Undyne.

They're interesting people though I don't understand their constant need to be in physical contact with each other. The next exception is a monster named Muffet. Pappy talks about her often and there seems to be something between them. Unfortunately I couldn't even begin to guess what. Next is a goat monster named Asgore. I often hear Pappy and him exchanging puns over the phone. I wonder when he will call again? Maybe if I practice I will be allowed to participate if he visits?

Moving on. There are two exceptions however that are more negative. They both strike me as odd though. The first is a female goat monster that Sans calls Queen Toriel. Sans seems to like her, I think, but Pappy treats her like he treats strange humans. Is she some sort of threat? 

The other one however is the strangest. Neither Sans or Pappy will let this man come near the house. Plus I'm not allowed out if he's around. I learned from Undyne that his name is Gaster, but no one will tell me why he is so dangerous. Maybe I'll look into it more, when my soul quits hurting. Though based on how often my soul hurts when he's around… maybe that's why he's dangerous. Is he doing something to my soul? I think I'll heed Sans and Pappy and stay away from him.

Back to the main topic. Pappy. He is very relaxed around Sans, especially when he doesn't know I'm nearby. His smile looks better and his eyes are more relaxed. I wonder if he'll ever look at me like that one day?

Wait! What? Why would I? You know what, never mind, I'm done for today.


	3. Entry 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A typical day.

Dear Diary,

At Sans' behest I'm going to make another entry. Though why he asked me to write about my observations on today, I don't know. I might as well, seeing as I have nothing better to do.

Let's see… I guess I'll start with this morning. I woke up at my usual time of 6:00 a.m. and sat on the bed waiting for Sans to get me for breakfast. The room in the morning is dark. Aside from the clock there is no light. It's familiar. The place Doctor Rivers put me every night was the same. Sometimes when I wake I… forget that… he's not here and I'm… not _there_.

At 8:00 a.m. Sans opened the door to retrieve me, before setting off to wake Pappy. Apparently he is in very heavy and stubborn sleeper. This of course causes Sans to raise his voice higher than normal, and (at least this morning) carry Pappy piggy back to the table. I waited until all had been served and Sans and Pappy had begun eating. Just like every morning they both frowned at me until I began eating. They're always telling me that I can eat with them and that they would prefer that. I just can't though. It doesn't feel right. I shouldn't be allowed to eat with them, let alone the same food. I should be given concentrated magic in a bowl and fed where they left me for the night. Sometimes while eating at their table I can feel my magic tense up waiting to be punished.

After breakfast Pappy led me up to the room I slept in and placed a dress on the bed so that I could get changed for the day. It was a bright yellow dress with short sleeves and the skirt stopped just above my knees. It was also soft. I wonder if the let me sleep in it? Probly not. Shame… anyway it's easy to put on. The difficult part was the 'underwear'. Pappy insisted I wear some, like he does every day. I don't know why I have to. I never have before. Besides I'm a skeleton. At least they were easier to put on this time. I still remember the first day they had me wear some. Both of their faces lit up with magic. Sans blue. Pappy Orange. Pappy then ran to his room, while Sans helped me put them on. I also was told to wait until they both left the room before changing. Why? Oh well, I'll figure it out later.

Pappy had told me to meet him and Sans by the front door so that we could go out. They usually take me out about this time every day. I wonder why? The only time they don't is if they both have to work. When I met them downstairs, they did something else they always do. They both held one of my hands. Why? I'm not going to run away. It does feel nice though. I feel… I don't know. It feels like… nothing can hurt me. My soul also feels warm. Why do I feel that? I…

They gave me footwear called flipflops. When I first put them on they were comfortable and when I walked they slapped against my feet. At first it startled me. Pappy snorted into his hand while Sans chuckled. After a few more steps however I got used to the sound and feeling of them hitting my feet. It felt good. So while walking I tried to make the sounds as loud as I could for as long as I could. Every so often I would catch Sans or Pappy looking at me smiling. I wonder if I had something on my face?

As we walked I noticed a lot of animals. Dogs of all different sizes and colors walked with their human and monster owners. I almost couldn't take my eyes off the small dogs. My soul seemed to react to them in a good way. Maybe someday we can get a dog… that would be nice. I also saw cats wandering on their own, a few bunnies, and a lot of birds. I was told by Pappy that the tweeting they do is called singing and they do that when they're happy.

Happy. Pappy said it was a feeling you get when you like what's happening or what you doing. The word sounds familiar, like I used to know that feeling. Most of the time though I don't feel anything. I'm empty, like I'm supposed to be. After all according to Doctor Rivers things are it's supposed to feel. So why does my soul hurt when I think that? It shouldn't. Right?

When we finally got to the park there were a lot of pretty flowers. They smelled nice. The bright pink ones smelled the nicest. Sans told me we couldn't take them home, but that we could stop at a flower shop to get some. I remember that he smiled at me. My soul felt warm again.

It was at that point that Pappy came back. He had three Nice Creams in his hands. I've never had a Nice Cream before, and I'll admit that I was curious to try some, but I didn't want to leave the flowers yet. I was relieved when Sans suggested eating them there. Sans seemed troubled about sitting on the ground, but Pappy just sat down without a care. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I was about to apologize to Sans, when Pappy handed me a Nice Cream and told me not to worry about it.

I opened my Nice Cream to see a pretty green color. Pappy nudged me and told me to try it. At first I just studied it to trying to figure out how. That's when I caught Pappy winking at me as he licked his Orange Nice Cream. It took me a moment to form my own tongue, but when I did and tasted the nice cream I was surprised. It was so sweet and cold. It tasted of lime, but didn't look anything like one. Plus it was so hot outside. How is this tiny food item so cold even under the heat of the Sun?

Looking back on it I have no problem saying that the warm Sun on my bones and cold nice cream on my tongue felt good. Oh! I almost forgot. After we had finished eating, Sans told me to read out loud what was on the nice cream package. The strangest thing happened after I read it. My soul got warm and beads of magic formed at the corners of my sockets. It wasn't until I felt them trailed down my face that I even knew they were there. How did five words do that? I'll wright them here though so I don't forget them.

You Are An Amazing Person!


	4. Special Entry 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Announcement from Gisha.

Dear Readers,

As I post my diary I realized that there are a lot of holes in my story that might lead to some confusion. So my brothers and I are going to answer as many questions as we can on Saturdays. I'm not going to promise that we'll be diligent in posting every week, but we will try.

So if you have any questions for me or my brothers please leave them in the comments below.

Also I wanted to thank you all for reading. It has truly been a struggle and even now it still is. So just thank you.

Gisha Skeleton


	5. Entry 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gisha is told that it is ok to call something hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post. My great uncle passed away and things got pretty busy. Don't worry though I will still post tomorrow as planned.

Dear Diary,

Today I made Sans angry. He said he's not, but it feels the same as when the Doctor was displeased. At least he hasn't punished me. The problem is I don't know why, what I did was wrong.

It started when the human Chara came over. I still don't fully understand their relationship with Sans and Pappy, but they spent the day with them. They punned with Pappy making Sans yell louder. They cooked and did puzzles with Sans. They even tried talking to me. They were definitely interesting.

It was while we were talking that Sans interrupted.

"GISHA WHY DO YOU CALL YOUR ROOM 'THE PLACE YOU SLEEP'?"

I didn't and still don't understand the question. So I answered him honestly.

"Because it's the place I sleep."

Clearly that wasn't the right answer. So he asked another question.

"WHY DON'T YOU CALL IT YOUR ROOM?"

I answered this one honestly too, but I was again wrong.

"Because it's not my room."

This made him angry because he began frowning and getting louder.

"IT IS YOUR ROOM, BECAUSE WE GAVE IT TO YOU!"

I was surprised that I made him angry, so much so that I almost didn't answer. I wish I hadn't, because my answer seemed to hurt him. I don't wanna hurt him or Pappy, but I did.

" How can you give something to a tool? Tools cannot own, they can only be owned. That's why I was brought here right? Because Doctor Rivers disappeared I'm now _your_ tool."

I remember Chara being taken to another room by Pappy, while Sans brought his hands to his mouth.

This happened a few hours ago, and everyone is asleep now, but my soul is still aching and trembling.

At the time I was sitting on the floor, so Sans got down on his knees, firmly grasped both of my upper arms, and looked me dead in the eyes as he spoke.

" GISHA, IS THAT WHY YOU DON'T REFER TO ANYTHING AS YOURS? WHY YOU AVOID SAYING THAT YOU LIKE OR DISLIKE SOMETHING? BECAUSE YOU'RE WRONG! YOU ARE NOT A TOOL GISHA. YOU ARE A PERSON, A MONSTER LIKE ME AND PAPPY, BUT MOST OF ALL YOU ARE MY BABY SISTER. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LIKE AND DISLIKE THINGS. YOU'RE ALLOWED TO FEEL. YOU ARE _NOT_ OWNED BY ANYONE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

I didn't know what to say, so I sat there. Sans must have seen something though, because he then pulled me into a hug and cried. I didn't know what to do, but I felt tears on my face and I wanted to wrap my arms around him too. It took some courage but I did. I hugged Sans back for the first time.

Now that I'm on my own though, is he right? Am I a monster like them? I know I look like one, but am I? Is it really ok for me to say that I like smelling the flowers at the park? That I... don't like honey straight from the bottle? Is this really my room? 

Am I allowed to be their _sister_ and call them my _brothers_ even if _I don't remember them_? 

_Is it really ok to be **Gisha Skeleton**?_


	6. Entry 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gisha is sick.

Dear Diary,

Today I am tired. So much so that I didn't wake up at 6:00 a.m.. No I was awakened by Sans when he came to get me for breakfast. I woke up to his hand on my forehead. He looked concerned about something, but I didn't dwell on it. I was just hoping he would leave his hand there, it was cool against my head.

"GISHA ARE YOU FEELING OK?"

When he asked me that, I had to think. My head hurt, my limbs felt heavy, and my vision was only slightly fuzzy, but could I get up? Yes I could if I had to, so I didn't understand why he began to frown at my answer.

"Yes."

"SISTER YOUR BURNING UP. THAT MEANS YOUR SICK. DOES ANYTHING HURT?"

I remember being confused about this. Something the doctor said once I think. Unfortunately I still can't remember. However I still answered him truthfully.

"Yes."

The look on his face was unpleasant. I really… didn't… like… that look on him. It's the same look he gives Pappy when he avoids doing something.

"GISHA YOU NEED TO TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG SO THAT I CAN HELP YOU FEEL BETTER."

When I heard those words I was surprised. No one has ever tried to help me feel better when I get like this. I didn't know it was possible to feel better faster. I thought I would just have to wait it out. Sans looked like he was waiting for a response so I tried to voice my surprise.

"You would help me to feel better? I don't have to wait for it to go away?"

His eyes got bigger when he asked, "DID YOU HAVE TO WAIT IT OUT BEFORE?"

I remember nodding slowly because my head hurt. His expression grew sad and he knelt beside me, so that he was at eye level.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT IT OUT ANYMORE. PAPPY AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING WE CAN TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER FASTER."

As he spoke he moved his head to rest against mine as he rubbed my head. It felt good. I… liked it. The next thing he said though froze my soul and is the reason I'm so tired now. He stood up and turned towards the door when he spoke.

"YOU JUST REST SISTER AND I THE MAGNIFICENT SANS WILL COME BACK WITH BREAKFAST AND YOUR MEDICINE. THEN YOU'LL FEEL BETTER IN NO TIME. MWEHEHE!"

As he left to go downstairs, I heard the ghost of a voice say something very similar.

"Just relax 79S81, I'll get your medicine. Then you'll feel really good."

It was what Doctor Rivers would tell me, every time he wanted to relieve stress. I still remember how it felt. First he would pull out my soul, then inject it with my medicine. The needle always hurt, but what came after was worse. My body would get hot and uncomfortable. Then my magic would pool in my pelvis forming a vagina. If that wasn't bad enough, _the Doctor… he would… touch… then I would… **NO!**_

 _ **I can't do that again.** I... didn't think they would, but I can't. _So I hid.

It was hard with my heavy limbs and blurred vision, not to mention this headache. I can't let them find me though. I don't even know how long I've been hiding, but _I can't…_ It's getting harder to write because my hands won't stop shaking, it's getting hard to breathe and my eyes keep filling with tears.

**Wait! I think I hear them coming!**


	7. Entry 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. Monday's will be longer.

Dear Diary,

It's been a few days since my last entry. Needless to say Sans and Pappy found me. They were right the medicine helped, I guess. I feel better now anyway. I feel bad though. I didn't mean to think that they would… hurt me.

The last few days were hard. I had to take the medicine twice every day. Sans and Pappy alternated between them as to who would give me my medicine, then… comfort me.

I… feel stupid. I should have known they wouldn't do that. I should have known that! Why didn't I? Why did I run and hide from them? They actually seem to care about me. They are the only ones that do. So why did I do that?

They didn't deserve that! I'm so stupid!


End file.
